572

John Piper: "To be loved in a sacrificial, patient, humble way [as Jesus loves me] is a very powerful incentive to become lovable."

571

Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries in Marriage

"The fruit of the Spirit is self-control, not other control" (43)

"Nothing is more conducive to a spouse's growth than a mate who sincerely wants to change" (44).

570

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

"The person who can own up to mistakes is greater than the one who knows how to avoid making the" (197).

"We're more apt to use anger as a weapon when we're defending ourselves and our actions" (198).

Anger Prevention, Part I: Minimize Stress

1. Eliminate hurry.
2. Downsize expectations.
3. Learn to say no.
4. Admit mistakes and imperfections.
5. Laugh more--don't take life too seriously.
6. Take care of yourself.
7. Know what triggers your anger (202).

"What responsibilities do you have right now that you wish you had said no to? What guidelines and criteria can you develop that will help you know when to say no to those kinds of things?" (203)

Mother Teresa as quoted in Ingram: "'Why should I expend energy in anger that could be spent in love?"

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the source of some of your deepest problems is your own anger at yourself? In fact, people who are angry with themselves, often unknowingly, develop behaviors to punish themselves....(Weisinger as quoted) effects of self-anger....make yourself look bad (obese) and feel bad (depressed)..." (207).

"The more we dwell on anger, the more it's likely to become our dwelling place" (210).

"Prayer lifts us into God's presence where we begin to see things from His perspective" (212).

1. Get right with God.
2. Experience His lavish love.
3. Accept who He made you to be.
4. Trust Him and His sovereignty.
5. Be a gracious person ("grace-giver") who prays (213-214).


"What things do you wish were different in your life?" (214)

"God-maximizing prayer: 'Lord You've suffered more offenses than anyone in the history of the world, and some of those offenses have come from me. You have more right than anyone to be angry and to withhold grace, yet You lavish Your love on [me]. Thank You. I declare my complete trust in Your promise to work all things together for good and to execute justice in the right way at the right time. Help me to continually cast that responsibility off on You and, in the place of my anger, to be an extravagant grace giver. Let me see the power of grace to change my life and the lives of others" (215).

"We experience healthy, constructive anger when we 1) are quick to hear (others, our primary feelings, and God), 2) slow to speak, 3) slow to anger, 4) express it, 5) express it appropriately, 6) resolve it" (234).

"To disagree is one thing; to be disagreeable is another" (241).

areas of unresolved anger (247)

Ask God practical steps I should take toward resolving anger wounds.

"'God, I admit that my response has been sinful. I repent of it. I want to lay it aside. I want my life to honor You'" (251).

Am I able to give to, help, and serve those who have hurt me? (264)

Who has hurt me? when? how?
Whom have I hurt? when? how?

Confess, repent, forgive, love (265).

Does the anger I feel toward others anger God? I'm to be angry about only what angers Him (268).

Harriet Lerner: The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships

569

Habakkuk 3:19

"The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills."

Amp.: "The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!

Psalm 146:5, 8

"Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the LORD his God.... The LORD raises those who are bowed down;"

Psalm 147:3, 11

The LORD "heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.... The LORD takes pleasure in those who hope in His mercy."

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

"It's never easy to prevent an explosion" (178).

German proverb as quoted in Ingram: "'What is the use of running when we are not on the right road?'" (192)

Orin Crain as quoted in Ingram:

Slow me down, Lord.
Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind.
Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time.
Give me, amid the confusion of the day, the calmness of the everlasting hills.
Break the tension of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of the singing streams that
live in my memory.
Teach me the art of taking minute vacations--of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a
friend, to pat a dog, to smile at a child, to read a few lines of a good book.
Slow me down, Lord, and inspire me to send my roots deep into the soil of life's enduring values,
that I may grow toward my greater destiny.
Remind me each day that the race is not always to the swift; that there is more to life than
increasing its speed.
Let me look upward to the towering oak and know that it grew great and strong because it grew slowly and well. (194)

"God has given [me] the responsibility of being the steward of [my] gifts, skills, and schedule. [I] don't dishonor other people by saying no at appropriate times; ]I\ honor God by managing [my] resources well" (196).

568

Psalm 145:14, 17-20

"The LORD upholds all who fall, And raises up all who are bowed down....The LORD is righteous in all His ways, Gracious in all His works. The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth.... He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them. The LORD preserves all who love Him."

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

To say nothing often shows a fine command of language (168).

"We regret our words far more than we regret our silences: (169).

"Sharp words usually end up cutting our own throat" (171).

Proverbs 13:3

"He who holds his tongue is wise. He who guards his lips guards his life...."

Proverbs 18:21

"The tongue has the power of life and death."

567

Psalm 145:8-9

"The LORD is gracious and full of compassion, Slow to anger and great in mercy. The LORD is good to all, And His tender mercies are over all His works."

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

"... as feelings of anger increase, listening skills decrease."

566

Psalm 144:1-2

"Blessed be the LORD my Rock...
My lovingkindness and my fortress,
My high tower and my deliverer,
My shield and the One in Whom I take refuge...."

565

Psalm 143:9-11

"Do not hide Your face from me....Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning...Cause me to know the way in which I should walk.... In You I take shelter. Teach me to do Your will.... Lead me in the land of uprightness...(v. 10, Amp.: "let Your good Spirit lead me into a level country and into the land of uprightness.") For Your righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble."

Proverbs 30:5

You are a shield to those who put their trust in You.

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

"Your temper is one of your most valuable possessions. Don't lose it" (125).

564

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

"Security is not the absence of danger, but the presence of God no matter the danger" (114).

563

Psalm 141:3-4, 8

"Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not incline my heart to any evil thing.... In You I take refuge; Do not leave my soul destitute...."

Psalm 142:3

"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path."

Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

"'Who or what really frustrates me and why?'" (113)

562

Proverbs 29:23

My pride brought me to dishonor, "But the humble in spirit will retain honor."

7-fold ministry of the Holy Spirit, Isaiah 11:2
1. wisdom
2. understanding
3. counsel
4. might
5. knowledge
6. reverential fear of the LORD
7. obedient fear of the LORD

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

below the surface of anger are unmet needs (hurt), unmet expectations (frustration), and threatened self (insecurities).

1. Is there an unmet need?
2. Is there loneliness or sadness?
3. Is there a blocked goal?
4. Are you feeling insecure? or threatened?
5. Are there unresolved issues that are hard to face? (88)

561

Psalm 139:23-24

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting."

Jude 24-25

You are able to keep me from stumbling, And to present me faultless before the presence of Your glory with exceeding joy, To God my Savior, who alone is wise, Be glory and majesty, Dominion and power, Both now and Forever, Amen.

Father I pray for true insight into my condition.

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

"... anger is the outside emotion sent to protect the inner, more sensitive aspects of our hearts. It's a secondary response that hides a deeper or more sensitive issue" (79).

"Anger artificially helps us feel in control when we're feeling out of control and falsely helps us feel powerful when we feel powerless" (80).

Three main anger zones:

-hurt from unmet needs
-frustrations from unmet expectations
-insecurity from threatened self-or self-esteem (85)

Beth Moore, Session 9, Living Beyond Yourself (198)

The way up in God's economy is always down (on your knees).

Gentleness = humble submission to God's will; and in-wrought grace of the soul directed toward God

1. Love never fails.
2. Joy cometh.
3. Peace rules.
4. Patience waits.
5. Kindness tenders.
6. Goodness does.
7. Faith fights.
8. Gentleness bows (and heals).

Hebrews 10:7--"Behold, here I am, coming to do Your will, O God."

The gentleness of God goes to all the hidden, bruised, hurt places that hinder us.

Gentleness bows, but sometimes with the rawest of emotion. (Be honest.)

Wounds need binding, and binding takes time. Don't behave as if a wound ISN'T a wound.

Much of our anger can be traced back to old wounds we have not allowed God to bind up.

The resultant scars from wounds God has healed become the marks of grace and trust.

Invade me with the power of Your Spirit to BOW DOWN.

560

Psalm 139:10

"...Your hand shall lead me,... Your right hand shall hold me."

559

Teach me to praise You with my whole heart.

Psalm 138:2

"You have magnified Your word above all Your name."

Psalm 138:3

"In the day when I cried out, You answered me."

John MacArthur, Daily Study Bible

4 effective reasons true Christians cannot habitually practice sin:

1. "...because sin is incompatible with the law of God, which they love.... habitual sin [portrays] the ultimate sense of rebellion....
2. "...because sin is incompatible with the work of Christ....Habitual sin contradicts Christ's work of breaking the dominion of sin in the believer's life.
3. "...because Christ came to destroy the words of ... Satan."
4. "... because sin is incompatible with the ministry of the Holy Spirit, who has imparted a new nature to the believer" (1233)

"The only demonstration of God's love in this age is the church" (1235).

Ingram on "spewers": "their explosions are actually used as a means of control..." (51). They become void of intimate relationships because they have alienated those around them" (53).

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

Anger is okay. It's what we do with it that counts" (42-44).

Micah 7:19

"He will again have compassion on [me]; He will vanquish [my] iniquities. [He] will cast all my sins into the depths of the sea."

Beth Moore, Living Beyond Yourself, Session 8 notes

Why through? God desires to turn weakness into strengths.

"Beyond every conquest is a promise fulfilled.

Faith fights (Press through)

Learn to shut the mouths of the lions. The enemy is mostly mouth--a mouth full of lies.

Prayer creates a window into a wall.

"When we get down [on our knees], God gets up."

"The more we applaud God, the more likely He is to come back for an encore."

With whom am I agreeing [in my thought life]?

The enemy tries to set a trap that cannot be altered; but GOD....

Why does God want thanksgiving when I pray? To demonstrate God is Who He says He is and does what He says He will do.

557

John MacArthur, Daily Study Bible

"... people are not argued into the Kingdom of God" (1222)

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

"'God, make me angry about things that make You angry" (32).

556

Psalm 136:23

[You] remembered [me] in [my] lowly state."

II Peter 2:9

"... the LORD knows how to deliver [me] out of temptations."

II Peter 2:11

Angels are "greater in power and might" than humankind.

John MacArthur, Daily Study Bible

"'Heresies' means self-designed religious lies which lead to division and faction.

"....it is so tragic when a church makes a virtue out of the [tolerance] of unscriptural teachings and ideas in the name of love and unity."

"All false religions have an erroneous Christology" (1218).

Chip Ingram, Overcoming Emotions That Destroy

"If you let anger get the best of you, it will reveal the worst of you" (13).